It got to a point where she was tempted to block out all social media.
Dimdim Pacres asked for one more chance—just one chance—to see if she really was meant to play volleyball.
Last September, she finally got that shot and eventually suited up for new team Galeries Tower Highrisers in her return to the PVL.
The 26-year-old opposite spiker was in between wiping tears and inducing laughter as she recalled to reporters her struggles while away from volleyball.
"Sobrang tagal inantay," Pacres said, as she jokingly wiped her eyes. "Ang daming napagdaanan, ang daming expectation, tapos nag-fail."
"Nag-expect kami na makakapaglaro ulit, balik-balik workout, hanggang dumating sa point na, 'Para saan ba 'to?'" she recounted.
She wiped her eyes again, prompting more laughs. Someone eventually gave her a tissue. Throughout the interview, Pacres constantly paused to dab it on her face.
The opposite spiker was a standout for the UST Growling Tigresses in the UAAP and last played in the amateur years of the PVL in 2018 with the Marinerang Pilipina Lady Skippers. Many became fans of her power hits, dubbing her Boom Pacres.
But behind her cherry facade, she actually went through a dark time.
"Ang daming dumaan. Sa depression, lahat na," Pacres said. "'Di na alam kung anong gagawin mo. Lahat ng trabaho napasukan na. Nagbebenta ng kwek-kwek, may shake. Businesswoman 'to!"
Even her family was then telling her to go on a different path.
"Lahat ng cousins ko, family ko (sabi), 'Mag-move on ka na sa volleyball. 'Di naman long-term 'yan.' (Pero ako) parang, 'Sssh! Tabi kayo, alam ko,'" Pacres recalled. "'Yung nagwo-work na ko, ang isip ko volleyball pa rin. Parang 'di talaga siya nawawala."
When sports leagues started again amid the COVID-19 pandemic, it hit Pacres, who was then working as a call center agent, even harder as she scrolled through social media.
"Nagbe-break down na naman ako. (Sabi ko sa sarili ko) 'Ha? Akala ko ba okay ka na? Bakit ka nagbe-break down ka na ulit?'" she recalled. "Umabot sa time na (gusto ko) 'yung social media blackout para 'di ko makita 'yung nangyayari sa volleyball."
Even fans' messages of support became too much for her.
"(Tinatanong nila) kailan daw ako maglalaro ulit. Parang nagbe-break down (ako). (Sinasabi ko na) 'Please, wait lang. 'Di ko rin alam kung kailan ako maglalaro. Kung na-miss niyo ako, miss ko na rin 'yung sarili ko!'" Pacres said.
It took a very familiar face in UST coach Kungfu Reyes to give Pacres the tough words she needed.
"College pa lang, siya 'yung motivation ko. Every word na sinasabi niya sa'kin, parang namo-motivate ako," Pacres said, wiping her eyes again. "(Sabi niya) 'Mag-work ka na ulit,' kasi tuluy-tuloy na 'yung volleyball. After niya sinabi 'yun, araw-araw (akong) nag-work out. Wala nang excuses, focused lang ako."
"Kahit isang conference lang, bigyan lang ako ng chance ulit. Para dun ko makita if kailangan ko pa bang magpatuloy o kailangan ko nang mag-stop," she added. "Lord, kahit plot twist."
She got exactly that as she got the call from Galeries coach Lerma Giron, whom Pacres expressed her gratitude to for giving her another chance.
She didn't hate her journey. She believes she needed it for her growth. Pacres even shared how she manifested the opportunity through a social media post.
"Never doubted His timing even for a second. TYL for the countless opportunities," she wrote.
She was greeted with cheers when she entered the court for the Tower Highrisers against the Petro Gazz Angels on Tuesday—both in the venue and on social media. She only made four points in the three-set loss, but it's a start.
"This year, 'di na dapat ako magva-volleyball, kasi wala talaga eh. Dalawang taon, nagsikap ako tapos walang nangyari. Try nang try nang try lang ako talaga. Ayoko kasing mag-stop, kasi alam kong meron pa akong kayang ipakita," she reflected.
Pacres got her latest chance. She's going to make the most of it.
(With reports from Mei-Lin Lozada, One Sports Digital)
(PM)